Homesick

So I'll lose some sales

and my boss won't be happy,

but there's only one thing on my mind.

Searching boxes underneath the counter

on a chance that on a tape I'd find

a song for

someone who needs somewhere

to long for.

Homesick

cause I no longer know

where home is.

from "Homesick" by Kings of Convenience

Nowadays I often wonder what it is that makes a place a home. Is it the memories? The people? The books in the bookshelves? The pictures on the walls? The walls who have heard and seen so much? Or maybe the cheesy one - home is where the heart is?

My childhood home has recently been sold, my grandparents' house will soon be sold and pulled down, and I have moved away. Sometimes, when I think about it, I feel that I don't have a physical anchor in the world. Like a place which I can come back to and which doesn't change too much. But, I guess, that is too much to ask of life. I am a control freak. I don't particularly like change, to put it that way. I usually stick to activities, people and places. But life is always in motion, and change is natural. I'm not saying that the change itself is necessarily natural, but the fact that things change is thoroughly natural.

Geranium bohemicum
Literally grows from tragedy

Today, in the biology lecture, we learnt about succession in nature. The directional change of an area's environment, for example a forest growing back after a fire. Change happens in a certain direction until it reaches a final or equilibrium state. But even then, it fluctuates. So change is extremely normal everywhere. Even disturbances such as flooding or forest fire are normal. If the equivalent happened in our lives, we would say it was a disaster or a catastrophe or tragic, but some organisms rely on these disasters to survive. Maybe I and many others could learn from this. We could choose to focus on the good things that spring from the hard times and tragedies, like the beautiful geranium 'Orchid Blue', which has seeds that only flower after a forest fire (or high temperatures). It literally grows from disaster. So instead of being sad about the recent fire, we can marvel at the beauty that sprouts after tragedy has struck.

Change is inevitable and natural. And as someone once said - it's not about how you are, but about how you take it (it sounds better in Norwegian...I'm not that good at translating). And in a way, all our lives are built around change and changes. We grow up, we become older, we experience new things, we change in response to other people, and other people change in response to us. We live in a dynamic world, but still some of us (for example me) manage to get stuck in a fantasy that stability is the most natural thing and change is something strange and something to be feared. I think a good idea is to meet the change and be proactive when approaching it, instead of hiding in the shadows and wishing it would go away. And oh, how I wish I would follow my own advice.

Books read: 45

Pages read: 13110

Hush

The image of you that will live on in me
will not be complete.
The sad memories will shrink
into nothing and disappear,
but the happy memories will expand
and become happier,
bathed in a golden glow.

You will always be happy and healthy.
Nothing can mar your delight
in the warmth of the sun
or the smell of the mountain
on that perfect summer's day.

The laughter and smiles,
the happy times,
the wonderful hikes,
the things that you taught me
about the value of nature and life
will live on in my mind
and shape me as I go on.

So hush;
lay yourself to rest.
We both know
all the words
that should not be said.
But you have made my life
more perfect.



Credit goes to Terry Pratchett, for this wonderful quote. (Otherwise, this is written by me.)

Books read: 42

Beside the fire

I sit beside the fire and think 

of all that I have seen, 

of meadow-flowers and butterflies 

in summers that have been; 

Of yellow leaves and gossamer 

in autumns that there were, 

with morning mist and silver sun 

and wind upon my hair. 

I sit beside the fire and think 

of how the world will be 

when winter comes without a spring 

that I shall ever see. 

For still there are so many things 

that I have never seen: 

in every wood in every spring 

there is a different green. 

I sit beside the fire and think 

of people long ago, 

and people who will see a world 

that I shall never know. 

But all the while I sit and think 

of times there were before, 

I listen for returning feet 

and voices at the door. 

This is a quote from The Fellowship of the Ring (the first part of The Lord of the Rings) by J.R.R. Tolkien (found on p. 271-272). It's a song that is sung by a character in the book. When I read it, it really moved me. It was a strange feeling, because now I am not remembering - I am experiencing things that I will remember later. It made me think about how I have to remember to enjoy my stay here to the full, so that the memories that I revisit in the dark winter (beside the fire) will be bright and beautiful.

Books read: 19

Pages read: 5295

27. The truth resists simplicity

That is a quote from vlogbrother John Green. I think it is very appropriate at this time (or any time, for that matter). The truth of how I am feeling right now, and how my life is, is difficult to explain. It's even difficult to fathom for me, peering into the depths of myself. There is always a mixture of happiness and sadness, joy and pain, depression and elatedness, craziness and sanity, and all the things in between. Sometimes I feel like my inner self is a pair of scales which are fluctuating all the time. One moment the 'happy' side is the heaviest, the next the 'sad/depressed' side is the heaviest. I'm not saying I'm always having these huge shifts, but they occur every once in a while.

I think it is difficult to understand others completely because all people are immensely complex. The truth about a person resists simplicity. Even for the person itself. We can never know exactly how a person experiences something - we can only know our own story. As Aslan says to Shasta in The Horse and His Boy (by C. S. Lewis): "I tell no one any story but their own." That is the only story we have the right to know, even though some pieces in the puzzle may be hidden well.

When talking of quotes, I want to share a site with you that you might want to keep an eye on: 52 quotes. It posts visualisations of great quotes. The most recent one is from J. K. Rowling's Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: "Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?" (said by Albus Dumbledore) Just ponder that one for a moment.

In parting, I have a recently discovered quote from a goodbye. It's from Nation by Terry Pratchett: "No more words. We know them all, all the words that should not be said. But you have made my world more perfect."

Books read: 18
Pages read: 4852