Torture

I almost cried, yes. Ow.

It is amazing how our bodies react to pain or the anticipation of pain. I often hold my breath if I know something is coming. This can be quite inconvenient if you, like me, have a sensitive scalp, and you volunteer to sit and let your hair be yanked in all directions hour after hour. At the end of the day I wondered why I was so immensely tired. After a couple of days being really tired, I finally figured out that it probably had something to do with the constant pain I had been experiencing in intervals the past couple of days. Nothing bad about the hairdresser - she is trying her best. But it is, of course, difficult to put long hair into rollers without hurting a very sensitive scalp like mine.

I find that pain drains my energy and ability to concentrate or even think straight. No wonder I got depressed when I had constant pain so intense I couldn't think - for two weeks. I am surprised I didn't go insane! So, to humans (at least me), pain is debilitating. You can't function properly. For example, when I broke my arm (as you have probably guessed, especially when I tell you that the constant pain and the arm-breaking were separate, I am quite accident-prone), I couldn't walk much. It is a bit strange, but I guess that's how we are built.

Animals are often better than humans at tackling pain. They have other priorities, I guess. Whereas pain puts us (at least normal people) out of control of some of our body functions and sometimes creates bad reception for our thoughts, some animals can run with a broken leg or act normal when injured if it is necessary. But then, maybe it's just never that necessary (like life or death) for the modern human to have to control pain that way. I don't know.

But I do know that I have found the most effective way to torture me - yank at my hair. Or maybe just make me feel pain at irregular intervals and watch how eventually my brain and body will have too little oxygen and I will slowly but surely stop being able to form complete thoughts and descend into depression and even madness...

It is uncomfortable to think about these things in our comfortable world. But remember, people are being tortured right now. Maybe not exactly as above, but yes, torture. And it is just HORRIBLE. So I had a tiny, mild experience of the suffering this can cause (extremely teensy-weensy), and I don't like to think of it escalated. NOT AT ALL. We should all stand up for human rights and end the use of torture, NOW. Amnesty international says that torture is still prevalent in a lot of countries in the world, and you can help them in their work to uphold human rights by for example donating money. Human rights need to be defended. We can't just sit back and think that everything will turn out alright in the end, because no one really cares about your opinions and convictions unless you act on them.

I don't quite know why this blog post turned so serious, but there you are. Serious blog post is serious.

Books read: 48
Pages read: 14243

Everything is fine

Actually, most things in my life are fine now. I don't worry much, and sometimes I feel just like Charlie in the video above - I want to shout out to the world that everything is fine (as he does at 2:20). But, as always, if I want to, I can think of things that aren't fine. If I start worrying and stressing, for example about exams, I usually tell myself to stop worrying, and then I take a snack or bite my nails anyway. I know I shouldn't, but does that mean that I don't do it? Of course not.

Today, when fishing around the internet for a good blog topic, I typed 'random' into google, and found this website called random website. Of course I had to check it out, and after a few tries, I found a site full of pictures. A picture from that site made me think of Charlie's video (above). In the picture there is a sign that says "In Heaven everything is fine". It made me smile, and I don't really know why. Maybe it has something to do with the guy painted above the text, or maybe the text resonated  with something in me.

I guess I wish that everything was fine all the time. Normality and stability every day. But that would be boring, and nothing would ever change, so I guess a good and comfortable mix would be the best. The comfortable and the disruptive in a nice balance, where the comfortable would definitely dominate.

I feel like I am partly trying to convince myself that I have nothing to worry about, and I feel that I am lying a bit to myself (and you). But right now I'm genuinely not feeling a lot of worry going on. I don't know if I should be worrying, but I don't care. I don't like worrying, so I'm not going to. And that's final. (Do you hear that, me? I mean it.)

Books read: 47
Pages read: 13831

Doodles

It's that time of the year again. The time when everyone around you are sick, and you go around hoping that you won't be. But of course, you're not let off that easily. Of course you feel that slightly unpleasant feeling that something is coming. Then you begin coughing, and there is no way around it. You're sick.

This time around, I actually took my own advice and took a day off from school to get better early on in the process. I hope it has helped enough, so that I don't get really sick.

My doodle, made this evening.

When I am home and I can't be bothered or I don't have the energy to do the things I should do, I can get bored. Then I sometimes want to draw, but I have no idea what to draw. Solution: Doodle! So tonight, when I got bored, I just opened my notebook and doodled a whole page full.

I think our doodles say something about us. Or rather, our favourite doodles say something about us. I sometimes try to do vines, but it's just not my thing. I really like tedious, perfectionist work, so my favourite doodle is forms filled with lines at approximately the same spacing, as you can see.

I'm not quite sure what a love for vines or snakes or knots (like Vihart) say about us, but I think my doodle describes me quite well as a person who likes order, precision, and perfectionism.

My new notebook. It's puuuurty :)

Also, my new notebook is really pretty, don't you think? It shuts with a clasp and has a lovely cover, and the pages have colour on their edges (like the gold on Bibles). I expect it to be filled with my ramblings (and doodles) at some point in the future, but it is quite thick, so I think it will take at least a year. Unless I write more and more and more, like I have done since I started keeping a notebook with me at all times (which is also since I started this blog).

It was a bit strange for me actually filling up my old notebook, because earlier in my life I have just loved my notebooks as books and never really written a lot in them. Maybe it is a mark of growing up that I now finally fill up my notebooks and finish my pens.

Books read: 46
Pages read: 13473

PS: Can you spot the elephant in the doodle?